R' Shlomo ztz'l on Vayigash

This portion begins "Vayigash Elav Yehudah", mamesh Yehuda mamesh walked
up to him and he poured out his whole heart. And everybody knows, the Zohar
Hakadosh says he was talking  to Yosef, but really he was pouring out
before G-d. Vayigash EILAV, it doesn't say Vayigash El Paroh, or Vayigash El
Yosef. Vayigash EILAV, mamesh he stood before him.

Okay, here we begin to say like this. Okay, lets start like this. You know
what the secret of life is, the secret of yidishkeit is? Mamesh, if you can
open your hearts in a very strong way. How many people do we meet who mamesh
touch our heart? Very few people, very few. How many things happen to us in
our lives which really touch our hearts? But now I'm asking you something
even stronger. How many words of torah do we know that we could mamesh say it
really touched my heart? We know so much and yet it's possible to know every
word of the torah, and be absolutely untouched. Heart-breaking, right?
Not only I'm untouched when I'm learning them, I can learn them and while I'm
learning I'm untouched. Heart-breaking. You know, I can talk about G-d for
two years, and while I'm talking about G-d I'm not even thinking about him.
Possible. Okay, but the truth is, is it possible to think that the
Ribbono Shel Olam should give us the torah and not put something into those
words,that they should reach us? Just doesn't make sense, right. It doesn't
make sense. So he (the ishbitzer) says like this. The truth is.....the truth
is every word of the torah is so strong, it could tear my soul apart. But why
did G-d give it to me in such a way that it can maybe not reach me? Because
if it will reach me the way it's given from G-d, I wouldn't have choice. If
I would.. lets say I'm learning the laws of shabbos, and these words are so
holy and so unbelievably deep, they just get into my bones. From that moment
on I have no choice. But G-d ! wants me to have choice, and G-d wants the whole
thing that I should do it. So in order that I should do it, G-d is hiding.

You see what it is, the deepest depths. G-d is not hiding the words of the
torah from me. The torah is open for me. "Zos Hatorah Asher Sam Moshe Lifnei
Bnei Yisrael".  Because what G-d is hiding from me, this deepest depths,
absolute, Dynamic, unbelievable atomic power in the torah, that mamesh can
tear up my bones. And it's so strong that I just can't help but doing....

So here the Ishbitzer says a gevalt. What does it mean to be in exile? To
bein exile means that G-d is hiding from me that holiness of the torah. You
know what it means to be in galus? To be in exile means I learn the words but
they don't reach me, right? Don't reach me. What does it mean to be in exile
with another person? You know, I can sit in a room with another person and
talk to them, and they are hiding from each other. What is exile between a
husband and wife, parents and children? Gevalt what an exile. Imagine, can you
imagine to sit with your child and talk to your children like a stranger G-d
forbid? It's the most heart-breaking thing in the world. or G-d forbid
husband and wife. You could sit at the table and go through the motions like
everything your married, you know. And you hide it from each other. It's the
most heart-breaking thing in the world. I think that's the deepest exile
there is. Say I'm learning G-d's word and G-d is hiding from me, but I'm
hiding from G-d. So he says, and listen...open your hearts. What is the
holiness of Yosef Hatzadik? Yosef Hatzadik is the strongest, he has the
utmost that the torah is shining into him. What's a tzadik? A tzadik is
somebody who the torah is shining so strong tha the nearly has no choice, he
doesn't want to have choice, right. Mamesh, before he's learning he says, G-d
really, I don't want you to hide from me. I don't want you to hide from me. I
want you to mamesh like lay it on me. He says, G-d, I want you to teach me
your word, but I want your word to reach me in such a deep way that it just
completely takes over. This is the holiness of Yosef, the holiness of
Yosef...........

Okay, now listen to this. This is really mamesh deep.
Everybody knows, it says Yakov loved Yosef the most, and it says that means he
gave him everything over which he learned from Shem and Ever. So now the
question is, what did he give them over? Did he give all...... chas veshalom,
didn't he teach all the twelve tribes, doesn't make sense, like doesn't make
sense, right? But according to this it's very clear. The way Ya'akov taught
the torah to everyone, he taught them every word. But you know what he gave
over to Yosef? To Yosef he gave over the secret how mamesh to tell G-d,
"don't hide from me the holiness of the torah, that it shouldn't reach me.
The way he gave it over to eleven tribes was every word of the torah, and the
shining in was up to them. But the way he gave it over to Yosef was so
strong, like mamesh shining. Like with all the shining as it is that you
can't move from it, you can't move. Okay, now it's also very clear why when
Moshe Rabbeinu went out from Mitzrayim, he took the coffin of Yosef with him.
Because since Moshe Rabbeinu wanted Mount Sinai to be on the level that the
words should shine into us, how can you go without Yosef? Yosef, this is the
expert. Yosef is the man. Yosef Hatzadik is the man. the holiness of Yosef
is that it shines into him. You know how deep this is? What really is Midas
Hayesod? What does it mean, has a foundation? What does it mean...we learn
something and it's mamesh the foundation of your life?That means it reached
me to the deepest depths of my being. It reached mamesh the deepest depths of
my being. It's my foundation, can't move from it, right? What's the foundation
of the tree? A tree, the wind can bend him to every four sides, but you can't
take him away from his roots, right. 'Cause that's his foundation. And here I
want you to open your heart in the deepest depths. You see, there is one
reaching that the words themselves reach me, it's Yosef Hatzadik.Yehuda is
the holiness that reaches me, mamesh life itself is reaching. I see
everything went wrong, obviously it was wrong, right? Mamesh, you know what
kind of reaching that is? That's Yehuda's reaching. The Ishbitzer says one
more unbelievable...the reaching of Yehuda is after it's all over. After it's
over, my life is over, I did wrong. When did it reach Yehuda? After Yosef
Hatzadik said, okay that's it, your staying as a slave. It's over, the whole
thing is over. You made a mistake by selling your brother, you made a mistake
by accepting the guarantee from Binyomin. The two biggest mistakes in
Yehuda's life. it's over, finished, that's it. So what's Yehuda doing? This
is where Yehuda begins. Vayigash Eilav Yehuda, this is when G-d reaches him.
But this is Mashiach's reaching, gevalt does that reach me. So there is a
reaching mamesh while I'm learning. And the ba'al tshuva reaching is not I
made a mistake and I want to correct it. This is not so much...for that you
don't need Mashiach. Your a little ba'al tshuva'le which is cute. Mashiach
ba'al tshuva is it's already too late. That's it, right? This is when it all
begins.This is when Yehuda mamesh says to G-d, it can't be just it can't be.

Okay, now listen to this, again open your hearts very strong. Yehuda is
Le'achar Gmar Hadin. It's over, that's it, I'm a slave now. Vayigash Eilav
Yehuda, and basically he didn't even ask him, you know. Just I want to tell
you the story, right. Mamesh standing before G-d and not even pleading with
G-d. Your not telling G-d stories and excuses. Just G-d, I want you to know
that you reached me the whole time, deepest depths, right? You know, imagine
your learning all the time. Suddenly I stop learning and all I do is read the
NewYork Times, readers digest, or a comic book. But each time I'm reading
those comic books my inside is crying wild, why am I not learning Gemora? Why
am I not holding a book? There is something wrong with me, I can't help it.
Gevalt is the torah reaching me. Okay, now listen to one more thin! g.So what
is Yehuda forcing G-d to reveal? Yehuda is forcing, so to speak, G-d to
reveal that the torah reached him the whole time in the deepest depths, the
whole time. You think while I was keeping shabbos, shabbos reached me? While
I was driving my car, I was crying for shabbos. This is Yehuda. And on a very
highest deepest level when Mashiach is coming, it will be revealed to the
world that every yidele, while he was honking his horn, he was waiting for
the blowing of the shofar of Mashiach. He was mamesh crying, Ribbono Shel
Olam here I'm honking my horn Friday night in my car. I wish Mashiach would
come and grab me back to shabbos. Unbelievable.

The Gemora says, it's more safe for a person not to come to this world, it's
avery dangerous place. The world is very dangerous. Because G-d forbid you
can also not make it, right? On Yosef Hatzadik's level, there is a way of not
making it. If G-d forbid the torah doesn't reach me, if G-d doesn't reach me,
if nothing reaches me I'm an outsider, right? You can live your whole life
not being touched by anything in the world, right. How many people live the
most lonesome lives in the world 'cause nothing touches them? Should never
happen you know. ......... G-d forbid, what do you do if it doesn't reach you?
So he says, the Gemora does not say it is better for a person, Tov La'adam
Shenivra......No'ach Lo. It's more peaceful. it's more peaceful not to have
to go through life. My soul maybe has more peace, it's not better. Now open
your hearts. You know what life is all about? For my soul to come into this
world is mamesh absolutely! to taste G-d on the deepest depths level.
So I can taste G-d's presence, G-d's torah, everything G-d is giving me on
two levels. Or I'm....G-d reaches me when I realize that mamesh G-d is right.
.......So I just want you to understand. Yesod means....foundation means that
the torah mamesh reaches me. Malchus, Kingdom means that I'm so much of
asking, I can stand before G-d and say, please remember that one minute, I got
to talk to you mamesh for one second.
Yosef is Divrei torah. yosef is mamesh the learning,every word of the torah
is reaching him. When is my davening? My davening is when everything went
wrong. I say, Ribbono Shel Olam, please can you please forget when I did
everything wrong, can you please forget that you are angry with me, and just
listen to me for one second. You know how deep this is? We were always
learning that Tshuva means I regretted what I did, I decide from now on I'll
do better. It's obviously sweet and cute, I'm now knocking it, but this is
not what Tshuva is all about! Mashiach's tshuva is,you know I'm not even
telling you I regretted, I'm not talking about that.
Sure I regretted it, this isn't what it is. I just want you to do with
tshuva....Ribbono Shel Olam, I want you to lend me your ear for on
second,like on that level before we got angry with each other. Now I want you
to go one step further. If I'm on the level of Yosef Hatzadik and someone
teaches me about shabbos, and mamesh G-d helps me and I keep shabbos and it
reaches me. Very high shabbos. But imagine, I'm not on the level of Yosef. I
learn about shabbos....didn't reach me. Then G-d forbid I'm married, my wife
doesn't talk to me, my children don't talk to me. friday night we are
watching television. Everything is dead, right? Play baseball....Suddenly I
realize, if I would of kept shabbos, if I would of had the holiness of
shabbos....one night a week you know, gevalt! Where we could of been. and I'm
mamesh standing before G-d. You see what he is saying. The way I know shabbos
now is so deep because in other words, I myself am a living witness that
G-d is right. I'm becoming a living witness that G-d is right. you see, when I
keep shabbos and I learn about shabbos, I'm keeping it and it's very
beautiful. but I never taste that level....like how does G-d know that I
should keep shabbos, right?I mean that kind of G-d knowledge, right.
G-d told me I should keep shabbos, how do I know that G-d is right? Okay, I
trust you. I didn't trust you, but now I know that you are right. That means
I am mamesh reaching the deepest G-d knowledge that G-d is mamesh right.
Mamesh G-d is right.

Okay, Ya'akov Avinu thought that Yosef is Mashiach because Yosef has this
power that he says something....By Yosef Hatzadik it says "Zos Asu Veyichyu
"do this and you will live. Mamesh Yosef, when he says something to you,
it mamesh gives you life. Every word mamesh, every word he says to you reaches
your  toe nails. Yosef Hatzadik. That's what it is. When Yosef Hatzadik
utters a dream, that's what it is. If Yosef Hatzadik says to the butler, in
three days your coming out, that's what happens. If he tells the baker you'll
be hanged on the tree, that's what happens. Every word Yosef Hatzadik says is
so,right.Okay, I want to tell you like this. the truth is, the greatest thing
in the world is that we have Mashiach Ben Yosef and Mashiach Ben Dovid. What
is the deepest learning? The deepest depths of learning is that it reaches me
right, mamesh I'm learning Mashiach's torah....what means I'm 
learning Mashiach's
torah? While I'm learning it I'm already  tasting, G-d forbid, if I'm not
doing it. Mamesh G-d gives me that taste while I'm doing it, while I'm
listening. WhileI'm learning I am already getting the taste."
